It's back !!! Sorta.

I have been having a love/hate relationship with my early morning runs. I love the way I feel when they are done. I hate the getting up at 4 am to go run. I love that I can run and for the most part I do OK at it. I hate that I am slow and have to work really hard to have a good run. I love that I am an adult onset athlete. I hate that I didn't start earlier in my adultness. So lets talk about the slow part, this at first was not a big deal to me. I would tell every one I run, but I am slow. Like I had to qualify the fact that I was slow, some sort of apology was needed from me to the running gods because I was slow, like I didn't have the same rights as the faster people as a runner. I think that this is part of the reason that I have not been in love with my running, I didn't take enough pride in the fact that I did run. It was like some high school boyfriend that you are embarrassed to be dating you are mean to him in front of your friends but are all lovey dovey when there is no one around. I have to take pride in the fact that I am a runner by my own definition no one else can call me a runner but me. After the Running America 08 "event", I was going to break up with my running habit, I was going to do the 1/2 and that would be it for me as a runner. I may still go for a run now and again but it would not be what I was. I have been "running" from running for the last few weeks, every morning we are to get out there I would have some lame reason not to go. On the run today I remember why I started running, why I love it. It is now part of who I am, I am a runner. There will be no more apologies from me about my running. Today for the last part of my run I was at that 12 min per mile speed, I liked it I want to work to get to that point, I want to run, I want to keep running for a long time. My running mojo is back. It will be 2 years in October and I am celebrating this with the completion of the San Jose Rock'nRoll 1/2, due to the hip issues I have faced this year I will not be running the full distance, but I will be completing it any way I can. I AM A RUNNER, even if I have to walk some times.